It is true that the Duck Man has a pool. It is also true that I, in a very uncharacteristically brazen and aspirational way, declared to the Jihad Jenni and to InnerCity Velvet at the Duck Man’s holiday party in December that we were going to be lounging by that pool (and grilling and drinking next to it) all summer. I imagined myself ten pounds lighter (with an extra couple inches attached to my legs for good measure) in a chic black bikini perched as the mistress of the pool, doling out invitations and kebabs with a royal, benevolent flourish.
I am an asshole. Once again, I have counted my chickens before they hatched into chicken nuggets and find myself somewhat short of a 3 piece order. I am hanging out in a loft/sauna with one pissed off cat instead of sunning myself next to a mid century oasis.
It is hotter than asphalt, so I am reminded of my great pool loss on this day, the day that it decided to be summer in SoCal. I guess I should count myself lucky; that I somehow managed to circumvent drawing out a “relationship” (if you could see me in person right now you’d witness the air quotes around that word, relationship) that probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway for a panoply of fantastic reasons, but that hasn’t in any way stopped me from bemoaning my pathetic, pool-less and utterly tragic fate.
So I’m posting the recipe for red velvet ice cream sandwiches to cool us all down. This combination of recipes comes via Tender Crumb-- fantastic blog...
Red Velvet Cookies
adapted from Every Day w. Rachel Ray
makes approx 20 cookies for 10 ice cream sandwiches
1 1/4 cups flour
1 1/2 tbsn unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsn salt
5 tbsp unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 tbsn red food coloring
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup buttermilk
Preheat the oven to 350°. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt.
Using a mixer, beat butter with the granulated sugar until fluffy, 3 minutes. Beat in the egg, food coloring and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat in the flour mixture alternately with the buttermilk until smooth.
Place 1/4-cup scoops of batter 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheet; spread out. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out dry, 12 to 15 minutes. Let the cookies sit for 5 minutes, then transfer to a rack to cool.
Cheesecake Ice Cream
adapted from The Perfect Scoop by David Lebovitz
8 oz cream cheese
2/3 cup sour cream
1/2 cup half and half
2/3 cup sugar
zest of half a lemon
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp vodka (optional: helps ice cream from getting too hard in the freezer)
pinch of salt
Combine all of the ingredients in food processor and puree until smooth
Chill mixture in the frig, and then freeze in an ice cream maker
So I’m waving my regal wand (aka a red velvet and cheesecake ice cream sandwich), in the midst of this heat wave, kebab-less and less blue-blooded than red-blooded, yet with delicious ice cream to ease my envy. Yes, I managed to freeze a few sandwiches to have on hand for times such as this. All of a sudden I feel a lot less like an asshole and more like a queen.
Happy Summer and Soup On!