My brother James is the “smart one” in the family (I’ll let you guess which “one” I am). This is something that all the members of our little clan--the clan McLeod!--have been acutely aware of since he was six years old, when James was sitting on a stool in a general store/ local bar for cattlemen in Neiderwald, Texas. This was the town next door to my grandparents’ ranch where we visited a couple of times a month. Serious cattle country this was and close to Lockhart where there is quite possibly the best BBQ on the planet at Black’s (this is a food blog so I’m going to try to make this somewhat relevant) and full of hard working, serious cowboys like my grandfather.
Anyway, a friend of my grandfather’s, a craggy old rancher, had asked my brother to play a game of checkers with him, thinking he would quickly kick the ass of the poor little six year old toe-headed city-kid with coke-bottle thick glasses and thereby teachin' him some hard scrabble ranch life lessons. But things didn’t pan out quite like the wrinkly old guy thought and my brother beat the bastard at quite a clip. I mean really quickly, like as in four turns or something equally embarrassing to a rough and tumble old man. Exasperated, and with the attention of everyone else in the honkey-tonk squarely on his shoulders, the old guy looked down at the board and then at my smiling, adorably lisping brother and he said, “Well, son, if yer so smart whattaya gunna be when ya grow up?”
I think he thought James would say something like “Astronaut!” or “Fireman!” or “Ballerina!” (you know those glasses were a tad emasculating, even for a six year old), but my awesome little jerk of a brother just blinked his artificially magnified eyes, looked up solidly to the old dude and said clearly, enunciating every syllable, “I am going to be a nuclear phythithitht.” (that’s a “nuclear physicist” in non-lisp). Period. And he shut down the conversation right there. And the hoots and laughter of everyone in the bar delighted and surprised James so much that even he, himself, knew right then and there that he was a powerfully smart human being. Or at least one with really good comedic timing. Which he doesn’t actually possess. Ask me about the inappropriate pedophilia joke he told at the Christmas dinner table sometime. It never fails to impress. I’m kind of convinced it’s why my mom and stepfather divorced, but I digress...
